Rotations....finally

Rotation 1: Internal Medicine at Parkland.

So here I am. Over a year into PA school and finally rotations started. It's been scary and awesome all at the same time. All of a sudden I lost the safety of the classroom and was pushed right out into Parkland Wards. We went from having every weekend off, and Friday afternoons, to working q5 call shifts. The first overnight call was awesome. Down in the ER at 3am is cool the first time around. But by the time your second call comes around, and you're still sleep deprived, the coolness wears off quickly. But still, there's te amazing feeling of knowing that you're helping people. They come in to the ER in the worst possible conditions, and they leave in a better state. Then of course, there's the sad stories. Of the person who comes in thinking they have pneumonia, and it turns out they have cancer with mets throughout their body. Of the other one who complains of trouble swallowing, and we find out they have esophageal cancer that has already gone to their ribs. It's the patients like this that make me feel so helpless at time. You wonder what you can say to them to make it better, but there is nothing to say. You can only give them the news, and then pray. And you wonder, why is life so unfair? Why did the woman with 3 small kids have to die of breast cancer, when the crabby old woman is doing so great? I would never wish death on anyone, but why does it hit the young one who had so much left to live for? Everyday I had to walk past her husband, and the look on his face said so much more than he would ever be able to say to me with words. It's the looks on their face when you tell them that they have cancer. Those looks will stay with me for as long as I live. I'll never forget them. But that's tempered by the other stories. Of the one patient whose face lights up everytime you walk in the room. The ones who are so happy to see you. It's been a long 6 weeks, and I still have 1.5 more to go, but I have learned and seen so much while being on the wards. Although Internal Medicine is definitely not what I want to work in when I graduate, I will always be glad that I did this rotation. Not only did I learn a lot about patients and disease processes, but I learned about myself. What I'm capable of even when extremely sleep deprived. When you think you can't go anymore, you really can. When it's 7am, you've been at work for 24 hours, had 15 mins to lay your head down and just can't stay awake anymore....you somehow can. Because, after all, the patients depend on you.....